News Team, Assemble
by PassionatelyHiddlestoned
Summary: The Avengers and Loki have a movie night, deciding to watch Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy. But when they fall asleep, they all have the same dream of them as the characters in the movie. Long One Shot.


"Movie night!" shouted Tony, flinging himself down on the couch.

"Didn't we have a 'movie night' last week?" Steve asked, carefully sitting down in a chair. "Yeah, but that doesn't mean we can't have another one."

"What movie are we watching tonight, Tony?" Bruce asked, setting his book aside and taking off his spectacles.

"Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy," Tony announced proudly, flicking on the screen. "JARVIS just ordered it."

"I love that movie!" said Clint. "So do I – haven't seen it in ages though," Bruce said thoughtfully. "I always liked Brian Fantana the best." "No way, man! Ron Burgundy is the best! He's the anchorman! He is _the_ anchorman."

Bruce chuckled.

"Will I blush a lot like the last one we watched?" Steve asked nervously. "Most likely," Tony answered almost instantly. Steve gulped.

Just then, Natasha and Thor came into the TV room after working out. "What are we watching tonight?" Natasha asked. "AH! Another Midgardian film evening! It shall be joyous!" Thor boomed, grinning widely.

Loki came into the kitchen for a late night pudding fix, and saw the rest preparing for the movie. He closed his eyes and silently cursed, backing away slowly, but before he could make a dash, Thor noticed him. "Brother!"

"Damn," Loki muttered under his breath. "Come and join us, we are watching a film by the title of 'Anchorman.' Loki rolled his eyes. "Sounds splendid Thor," he replied sarcastically, "But I've got some things to tend to in my chambers."

Thor laughed, and slapped Loki on the back. "Surely you can take a few hours away from your horse show!" Loki went red. "It's called 'My Little Pony,' and I don't just watch that all the time!" "Whatever you say, brother. But join us tonight," he pouted, "Pleeeease?" Loki knew Thor wouldn't give up.

"Ugh. Fine!" They sat down. "Thor, you kind of remind me of Brick," Tony said through a smirk. Bruce laughed. "Yeah, he does actually!" Thor looked back and forth between them. "I do not know of what you speak, but I will pretend what you said is funny and laugh along with you!" The god boomed with laughter.

Bruce and Tony looked at each other. "Yup. He's Brick."

Natasha pulled her knees up onto her chest as she nuzzled into Clint's outstretched arm. "I always thought Veronica Corningstone was cool. She was really strong, you know?" They nodded.

"Well, let's start the movie," Tony said through a grin, happy to finally be watching one of his all time favourite comedies with the team.

"Right away, sir," the A.I. said as he began the movie.

The team shared laughs, smiles, and emotions throughout the film, and even Loki couldn't help crack a grin here and there. By the time the credits rolled, it was quite late, almost one in the morning, and everyone had gone to dreamland…..

* * *

"How do I look, how do I look?" Tony Burgundy asked, smoothing out his moustache and red suit.

"You look dazzling, as usual," Bruce Fantana commented, stroking his own moustache, "How 'bout me?" He had on a purple suit, with a green tie and his black hair curled back.

"You look great!" Champ Rogers called from the right side of Tony, blonde hair combed back underneath the cowboy hat with an American flag pattern on it.

"Poptarts!" Thor exclaimed from the left side of Bruce, beaming widely. They all laughed, and nodded along with him.

Tony smiled a blinding toothy grin. "We are one awesome news team, huh guys?" Everyone agreed enthusiastically.

Ed Fury came out from behind a camera and pointed at Tony. "And we're on in 5, 4, 3, 2-"

"Hello, San Diego! I'm Tony Burgundy, and this is Channel 4 news. Today, we have a story of a tap dancing Chihuahua! Let's see the footage, this should be good."

They played a dog in tap shoes dancing for about two minutes. Tony laughed, as did everyone else. "Now that, dear San Diego, is what I call funny, am I right? Now, time for your footage report from Bruce Fantana at the pregnant panda's home!"

They played a tape. "Hey, San Diego, Bruce Fantana here, and Channel 4 news has got official coverage of the pregnancy of the mother panda here at the zoo! If only I could…. Get over….this… guy…. Hey, move buddy, I'm trying to... hey!"

Bruce looked at the camera. "I'm getting angry… this isn't good, let's continue this another time." Bruce flashed a charming smile, and the tape ended. Tony looked up. "And what an informative report that was Bruce! Now we go to Champ Rogers, for the sports news!"

"Thanks, Tony," Champ said, smiling into the camera by the sports screen. "The Patriots took a win over the Seahawks last night, which left some fans happy and some devastated. But it's like I always say; the 'patriotic' ones always come out on top!" he flashed a smile, and it went back to Tony.

"Thank you, Champ! Now onto Thor!"

Thor smiled from in front of the weather board. "Greetings! Our weather here in California is 28 degrees, compared to a…. -27 in Manitoba, and a… 214 in Asgard!"

Tony smiled. "Wonderful! That concludes our news report for the morning, so you stay classy, San Diego!"

He pointed at the screen, and they went off air.

"That was great guys," Ed Fury said as he adjusted his eye patch. "I've got some news, so I'd like you guys to step into my office." The boys nodded.

"I'll give you some light news first; Channel 4 is number 1 on the ratings chart!" They all cheered.

"But for the other news…there's been…. Change in our society, boys," he started, sitting down at his desk. "What do you mean, Ed?" Fury sighed. "I mean…. We're bringing in a female co-anchor for the morning news." He cringed as he waited for their reactions.

"NO!" "NO, NO, NO!" "NO WAY, THIS IS A MAN'S JOB!" "IT'S CALLED ANCHOR**MAN, **NOT ANCHOR….LADY!" "AHHH, PONIES ON RAINBOWS!"

Fury raised his hands at the yelling men. "Alright, alright, calm down. It's not so bad, I mean… you should see her!"

The guys looked at each other, starting to grin. "Yeah?" "Yeah. Oh, here she comes now."

They all turned to the front door, and in walked a curvy woman in a black work dress and short, fiery red hair.

"Hello gentlemen, I'm Natasha Corningstone, and I'm the new co-anchor." They all stared at her, mouths hanging open. She cleared her throat, turning to Ed. "So, I start tomorrow then?" "Yes." She gave one last smile at the boys before turning on one heel and leaving.

"That's her?" "Woah, man!" "She is smokin'!" "Tell me about it." They all left, to go for a walk. "But… but a woman can't do the news," Tony protested to his team as they walked along the sidewalk, "I mean… nobody will listen to her!" They all nodded thoughtfully.

"Well…. Let's turn it into a game." "A game?" "Yeah. First one to make her theirs, wins!" They all grinned, and slapped each other high fives.

As they were walking along, they came across the familiar green, black and gold news van from their nemesis station, Channel 2 News. Tony and the rest laughed smugly as the anchorman and his team stepped out.

"Loki Mantooth," Tony drawled at the man with gelled back raven black hair who stepped out. "Ah, Tony Burgundy," the other anchor sneered, "Come to gloat?"

"No. I've come to mock your low rating!" They all laughed with each other. Loki frowned. "That's the same thing…" "Shut up!" said Bruce, stepping forward, "You mean nothing to us." "Yeah," Champ said, "You'll always be number 2 to us!"

Loki scowled, and Thor wandered over to him. "I like your hair," Thor said, running his hand through Loki's strands. Loki jumped. "Barton, get this strange man off of me," he ordered his co-worker, and a shorter man with light brown hair stepped up to the muscular Thor, leading him back to the channel 4 team. "Yes sir."

"I better not see you 'round here any more," Tony continued when Thor was back on their side, "Or you'll regret it." Loki frowned again. "This is OUR turf you're on, Burgundy." Bruce bared his teeth and stepped forward. "Don't make me get angry!"

Tony nodded. "You wouldn't like him when he's angry." Loki sighed in annoyance, and the Channel 4 team walked by them, bumping into their shoulders.

"See ya later, NUMBER 2s!" Tony laughed, and they all walked away cackling. Loki turned angrily to Barton. "After all of that, you couldn't say one thing? You had nothing to defend us with?!" Barton stared at him blankly. "Sorry sir." "Just get in the car," Loki growled.

A little later at the news station, the boys were all trying to score with Natasha. "Hey there, fine lady," Champ said, going over to her desk. "Hello…." "Do you wanna have some fun?" She looked up at him. "Not really." "With me, you'll have fun all the time."

She sighed. "No thank you, Champ." Champ pouted, but he was the most gentleman of the bunch, so he gave up. "Okay, my turn…" Bruce grinned, smoothing his hair back.

He walked up to Natasha. "Hey, baby. Like my cologne? It's called, 'Hulk Smash.' It's illegal in two countries, plus Asgard." Natasha rolled her eyes at him. "You don't have a chance, Bruce." "I can show you a real good time-" "No thank you, Bruce." He snapped his fingers, and walked back.

"Okay, Thor, you try," they whispered, "Do what we said, okay?" Thor nodded, and smiled as he walked up to Natasha, who was starting to grow tired of their advances. "Hello, Thor…" she said uneasily.

"Good afternoon, Lady Corningstone. There is a celebration taking place in my pantaloons, a gala of rather significant importance. I would like to extend an invitation to you." She sighed. "Thor, do you mean 'I have a party in my pants, and you're invited?'" Thor nodded.

She shook her head. "No, Thor, I would not like to go to a party in your pants. Go tell Tony, Bruce and Champ that it won't work." Thor just smiled at her, nodded, and bowed.

"Well, what did she say?" Champ asked. "Yeah, you look happy," added Bruce. "She said, 'tell Tony, Bruce and Champ that it won't work.'" Their faces fell.

"Come on Tony," said Bruce, "It's up to you, man." "You can do it!" "Sparkles and stars!" Tony nodded his thanks to the encouragement from his team, and straightened his tie.

He cleared his throat as Natasha regarded him wearily. "You know, I'm not just some piece of meat," she said suddenly, before Tony could say anything. "I'm not easy either!" Tony furrowed his brow. "I don't think you are. Would you like to-" "Enough, Tony! I told you, I'm not easy!"

He looked at her. "Would you like to spend a night on the town together?" His question surprised her. "No sex?" Tony contemplated this. "I can't promise anything." She thought it over, and decided to give it a shot. "Alright… alright, I'll go on a date with you." Tony flashed her a charming smile. "Tonight then."

He gave an excited thumbs up to his friends, who all cheered inside the office.

That night, the two met up to go to the restaurant. "So, Tony, do you have any other talents other than being an anchorman?" Natasha asked as they sat down. "I invent things, tinker around with mechanics and stuff in my spare time," he said, calling the waiter over. "Cool! So you're an inventor?" "Of sorts. What are your dreams, Miss Corningstone?" She smiled. "I want to be the first female anchor."

Tony looked at her. "I meant a real dream." She frowned. "That's what my dream is…" "Ha! I mean…. That's nice." She shifted, and ordered a drink. "I'll have a Melonball, please." Tony looked her up and down. "Mmm, a woman who likes stiff drinks… I like that… I'll have a Rusty Nail."

They looked into each other's eyes. "Miss Corningstone, I really like you." Natasha bit her lip. "I… I like you too, Tony, but we're co-workers." He got up, pulling her up with him. "What if we weren't? What if we were… co-people, just for tonight?"

She looked up at him. "Then, Mr. Burgundy…. I'd like to spend the night with you." She couldn't believe she was saying that, since she never did something like this, but she felt very strongly for him.

"Shall we?" Tony grinned, leading her out the door and to his mansion.

The next day….

Tony walked into the news station, and went into the office with his friends.

"What was it like?" Bruce asked excitedly. "Yeah yeah, tell us," Champ said. "She was amazing!" "Really?" "Yeah."

There was silence for a second.

"What's it like, Tony?" "What do you mean? I just told you." "No… what's _love_ like?" "Oh… it's like…. Being hypnotized."

Thor looked at the box of Poptarts he had been eating. "I love…. Poptarts." "No, Thor, that's different." "I love Poptarts," he repeated. Tony sighed. "Thor, you just looked at the first thing you saw and said you loved it." "I LOVE POPTARTS!" Bruce patted him on the back. "Okay, buddy."

They went out to get ready for the broadcast. When they went on, they did the news, and at the end, Tony couldn't help himself.

"NATASHA AND I DID IT!" he blurted on live television. Fury facepalmed, and Natasha's mouth dropped open. When they were off after his closing line, she turned to him with rage.

"I thought I said not to tell anyone!" "I… I couldn't help it… it's big news!" She smacked him across the face, and scowled at his betrayal. "This isn't over." She turned around, and stomped out of the room.

Despite himself, Tony was slightly worried at what she had planned for revenge.

"It's probably nothing, girls always get like this," Bruce tried. "Yeah, she'll get over it," agreed Champ. "I like thunder…." Thor commented. "Thanks, you guys," Tony said, "But she's feisty. I think it'll be serious."

The next morning, they read the news, and the team couldn't help but notice Natasha's smug look.

Tony was signing off as usual, and read the teleprompter. "And that concludes the news for today. And remember, San Diego- everything special about you came out of a bottle!"

The whole crew gasped, knowing that Tony reads anything off the prompter, and Fury cut the camera.

"OH MY GOOD LORD, TONY, WHAT WAS THAT?!" he yelled, pulling him into his office. "I… I just read the teleprompter, and that's what it said!" Fury sputtered, and massaged his temples. "I'm gonna have to fire you, Tony." Tony laughed. "I'm gonna have to fire you too, Ed. You're fired!" he said playfully.

"No, Tony, I'm not joking. You're fired. San Diego hates you now!" Tony stared at him, shocked. "It was probably Natasha! She did it to get back at me!" Fury nodded. "Most likely. But still, no one will watch our station if you're here. I'm sorry Tony."

Just then, Fury's assistant, Garth Coulson, came in. "T-Tony!" he said, "Why would you say that Tony? You were my role model…. Other than Champ…. I looked up to you!" He set some papers down on Fury's desk, and ran out, crying.

Tony sighed. "Please?" "No. Goodbye Tony." The news team watched him go, head hung. "If you talk to him, you're gone as well," Fury warned, so they stayed silent.

Over the next few days, Tony's life had gone downhill. He walked down the sidewalk drinking scotch out of a paper bag, letting a beard grow through. People would throw things at him on the street, and he wasn't even allowed at his usual bar.

He walked into his mansion, and sat down by the TV, where Natasha was talking. He noticed a guilty look in her eyes, and his heart softened a bit. He watched the others, and felt tears form in his eyes. Oh, how he missed them.

He called JARVIS for a drink, but instead, Dummy came and blasted him with the fire extinguisher. Tony sighed at his misfortune.

Suddenly, his phone went off. "Hello?" he croaked. "Tony?" It was Fury. "What do you want?" "We… we need you to come back. The panda's gonna give birth." "What about Natasha?" "She won't do it. She says it's your story."

Tony smiled to himself. "I'll be right there," he said, feeling his natural esteem come back. He quickly went into the bathroom, shaved, and changed into his red suit.

He got out a horn, and blew it. "NEWS TEAM, ASSEMBLE!" he shouted majestically, and the three guys walked through the door. "We knew you'd come back!" Bruce grinned, and Champ nodded. Thor picked him up and squeezed him in a huge bear hug.

"Alright gentlemen," Tony smirked, "Let's go do the news!" And they set off for the zoo.

When they got there, there were hoards of people everywhere. "Stay calm Bruce," Tony said as they made their way through the crowds. "I know, I know…" Bruce said, breathing deeply.

"Make way, for TONY BURGUNDY!" shouted Champ proudly, waving his American flag hat around. Everyone parted in hushed whispers, marveling at the return of the number one anchorman.

"Good afternoon, San Diego, this is Tony Burgundy reporting for Channel 4 News," he said, and everyone cheered. "Let's watch a panda have babies!"

As he was looking over to where the panda was, Loki Mantooth came up behind him, and before anyone could do anything, tackled him over the side of the railings. They both fell into the bear pit, dust flying up around them. Tony looked in surprise at who it was, and seeing Loki, frowned. Loki snarled at him. "Now that you were gone, I was going to be number 1 anchorman! ME!" Tony shook his head. "No. NATASHA CORNINGSTONE was going to be the number 1 anchor LADY!"

Loki sputtered as Tony shoved him off, and he jumped back up to the railing, his friends pulling him up.

Tony brushed off his suit, and smoothed his moustache. Loki looked around, but nobody would help him up. "Barton!" he shouted. "Barton, come help me!" Barton came over to the railing, and jumped down with him. "YOU IDIOT! I didn't mean come down here, I meant help me back up!" "Sorry sir." "GAH!"

Suddenly, a growl sounded behind the two Channel 2 reporters. They turned slowly, and found Thor riding the biggest brown bear they had ever seen.

Loki screamed, and Barton just stared, drone-like. "FOR POPTARTS!" Thor shouted, and charged Loki and Barton to the railings, forcing them up on their own.

Thor chuckled, and the news team looked around, confused. "How'd Thor get down there?" Champ asked. Tony shrugged.

Tony saw the baby panda, and motioned for cameras. "It happened, San Diego! The panda has been born! You saw it here first. This is Channel 4 News, Tony Burgundy and…." he looked over to his friends. "Natasha Corningstone, our co-anchor!" Her face lit up, and he pulled her on screen.

They shared a long kiss, and everyone cheered again, even Barton, before Loki smacked him.

"Remember- Stay classy, San Diego!" Tony said, grinning at the camera with Natasha.

As everyone was cheering and celebrating, a woman with long black hair came up to Bruce. "Excuse me," she said, "Is that… 'Hulk Smash' you're wearing?" Bruce grinned.

* * *

Sun streamed through the windows of the tower as everyone began to wake up.

"Woah…" said Bruce. "I just had a really weird dream…" said Clint. "So did I…" Natasha.

Steve looked around. "Wait… did we-" "Have the same dream?" Tony finished. They all shared a look, which confirmed that they did.

"That was awesome!" Bruce said, unusually excited. "I got to be Fantana!" "I was Burgundy…" Tony said with a smile.

Suddenly, they all looked at Tony and Natasha, who were already looking at each other. Tony grinned at her mischievously. "No way, Tony." They all laughed.

"Next week can we watch Star Wars?"


End file.
